If you had to choose just two words, two little words that would allow you to change your life, what would they be?
Mine would be“I can”.
You’ve probably heard various personal development experts, life coaches, or self-proclaimed gurus tell you not to say, “I can not”. But why exactly are those two little words? “I can” so important? What do they mean and how do they work?
I am responsible for my life
The first word is “I”. To me this emphasizes WHO gotta do the changing.
As much as we want to blame someone else for the parts of our lives that we don’t like, the truth is that we are completely responsible for our life circumstances. Unless you’re in a very extreme situation (like being held captive), there’s no reason why you can’t wake up one morning and decide to completely overhaul your life. You can:
- Resign
- Start that small business you’ve always dreamed of
- Learn to play a musical instrument
- Take the first step in healing a broken relationship
- Start eating healthier
- Be more active
Never put your hope for change on anyone else. This type of thinking looks like this: “It is up to my partner to get a good job, then I will be better off financially” or “If only my mother would cook healthier, I wouldn’t be overweight.”
No one else can change you. No matter how difficult your circumstances are (poor health, family problems, money problems), you can initiate the process of change by looking at your response to events.
Stephen Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People emphasizes that it is not the negative event itself that is a problem, but your reaction to it. He explains: “Our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop internal strengths, the freedom to deal with difficult circumstances in the future and inspire others to do the same.”
I have the ability to act
It’s not enough to just think “I” however, when you want to make a change in your life. Simply accepting that you are responsible for your life does not necessarily give you the power to change. It can even be a little depressing when you accept that the parts of your life you don’t like are your responsibility and not anyone else’s fault. !
So the second word that I consider crucial for change is the word “can”. With the tools of motivation, self-discipline and guidance from those more knowledgeable than us, we can achieve what we set our minds and hearts to.
How many times have you said “I can not” or words to that effect? Do you have ever was trying to achieve a goal you said “I can not” about? I certainly didn’t do that. Here are a few popular ones “I can not” pronunciations:
- I can’t sing (write/paint/act…)
- I’m trapped in this job (relationship/place/situation)
- I have no choices
- It would be impossible to stop
- I’ll never succeed
- I can’t lose weight
- I always fail
Think about one of yours “I can not” explanations. What do you often tell yourself, or others, that you are unable to do? I know I say that often “I can not sing”.
Is your statement true? Is it actually impossible for you to do that – or do you just not want to face the fact that there may be effort, discomfort and perhaps emotional pain involved? Is mine “I can not sing” WHERE? No. Singing is definitely not something I am naturally gifted at, but I am can singing – and I know that if I took singing lessons, I could learn to improve my singing.
You always have the choice to say “can do” about your dreams, instead of “can not”.
Use ‘I can’ today
I’m sure there is something in your life that you would like to change, but feel like you haven’t made any progress yet. Maybe it’s something that other people have influenced, like your self-esteem or your material circumstances. Maybe it’s something you’ve secretly convinced yourself of can not change.
Keep that part of your life in mind for a moment. Recognize that, regardless of the influences of other people and circumstances, you bear 100% responsibility for your actions and thoughts. You have the power to choose your answer.
And realize that now you can change this, whatever it is. Even if you’ve tried and failed in the past, even if you’re afraid it will take a lot of hard work, even if you don’t yet know all the steps to completely change that aspect of yourself or your life. You can change.
If you are willing to share your thoughts and your own experience about how “I can” makes change possible, please take a moment to add a comment to this post.
