We all know that making personal changes can be difficult. Even when we know these changes will lead to greater success in our health, relationships, and careers, we still resist them.
One reason for failure may have to do with typical methods of self-motivation. Common self-motivation tactics designed to get you in the right gear often backfire and promote self-sabotage. When you get inside the heads of people with motivation issues, it all starts to make sense.
Self-motivation tactics that lead to failure
Here are some typical things people say to themselves to motivate themselves:
Come on man! Get off your ass and do it!
The inner drill sergeant barks orders – this often lights a fire under you, but also invites inner rebellion. Who likes to get organized? When you give yourself orders, you can also rebel against those orders. Can you say “internal conflict?”
You’re such an idiot. You’ll never learn, right?
Believe it or not, people criticize themselves for self-motivational purposes. The criticism gives them something to prove them wrong – something to fight against – but it’s exhausting.
I MUST be the best! If I don’t keep my lead, the other guy will win.
This competitive strategy is good for a few years until the pressure burns out your adrenal glands or you just need a break.
If you don’t finish this project as quickly as possible, you will lose your job, go bankrupt and become homeless.
Catastrophic thinking can motivate, yes, but it also creates severe anxiety and a desire to just run away and hide.
I just have to force myself to do this.
Forcing yourself is not fun and creates resistance.
If I can pull this off, I’ll allow myself to eat a Twinkie. If I don’t do that, I’ll eat nothing but bread and water for a week.
Ah – rewards and punishments. Since you are in charge of the reward and punishment, this is too easy to break. Who are you kidding? Don’t do it and keep enjoying that Twinkie, right? Yes, you are only deceiving yourself, but you are willing to live with that…
When you think about it, each of the above oh-so-common self-motivation tactics, along with a thousand variations of each, invites self-sabotage. Furthermore, attempts to force, manipulate, or otherwise induce yourself to do things are an insult to your innate intelligence. Most of us know this, but somehow we still find ourselves using these methods, trying to get things done. Is there an alternative?
A better way to motivate yourself
Yes. I call it Zen motivation.
Zen motivation is simple. First get into a zen-like state (which is also very simple) and then consider what needs to be done. That is it! Try this experiment:
Get into a zen state by tuning into an everyday sound, such as the hum of your computer or refrigerator or the sound of a fan blowing. You can also choose the sound of running water or distant traffic – white noise. Don’t choose music or people’s voices or television, things that generate inner meaning. Choose white noise.
Now focus on that white noise for a minute. Really tune in. Tuning in to the everyday sounds in the environment grounds you in the present moment and sets your reactive mind aside. There’s a whole host of medical research behind this connection to the brain Standard mode network. You’ll know you’ve arrived when, after listening to white noise for a minute, you feel like you’re calming down. This is not a conscious choice, but an actual switching of brain networks.
After you have settled, think about what you need to do next. With a steady, grounded mind, you don’t have to fool yourself. You know what needs to be done. It is obvious. It’s just as natural to do it. No gimmicks needed!
NLP students have turned this phenomenon into a new kind of meditation, making sure they are connected to the present moment before making decisions, responding to important issues, or preparing for their day. It’s a beautiful practice that gives you a Zen-like wholeness without sacrificing the laser focus on doing your best and achieving your goals.
