You are not suffering because your mind is restless. You suffer because you believe it shouldn’t be this way.
Everyone has a restless mind. Everyone, without exception.
There was no other way.
Indian spiritual teacher Nisargadatta summarizes the nature of mind in the following statement:
“There is no such thing as peace of mind. Spirit means disturbance; Restlessness itself is mind.”
The mind IS restlessness. The two are synonymous.
Not only is there nothing “wrong” when the mind is restless, chaotic, and confused. There was no other way. Spirit means disturbance.
Expecting the mind to be quiet and peaceful is like expecting the grass to be pink or expecting the water to be dry.
Trying to turn all your restless thoughts into calm, peaceful thoughts is like trying to smooth the ocean.
As for inner peace, a restless mind is not the biggest problem.
We suffer because we believe there is something wrong with the way the mind is.
You suffer, not because the mind is restless, but because you believe that it should not be so
Seeing this can be life-changing.
Most people believe that they must fix or change their minds to experience peace.
I recently had a coaching client, let’s call her Mary, who had been trying for years to “fix” what she believed was her “broken” mind.
Like me in the past, she had spent years in therapy, reading every self-help book she could get her hands on, attending seminars and workshops… all because she believed that the mind had to be a certain way in order to experience peace .
She had never considered the possibility that perhaps the mind might not be the problem, but rather the way she usually deals with it.
When she understood the concept of making peace WITH her restless mind, her experience was transformed in an instant.
If you can accept the fact that the mind is crazy, restless, or confused – in short, let the mind be as it is – you will experience peace even when your thoughts are turbulent.
This is the key to experiencing peace in every moment… no matter what is going on in the mind.
Would you like to hear about a comprehensive, step-by-step program that will help you quickly eliminate compulsive thinking and negative self-talk for good and come home to the peace of your true nature? Click below for more information.
Peace of mind versus peace WITH mind
As Nisargadatta said: “There is no such thing as peace of mind. Spirit means disturbance. Restlessness itself is mind.”
Most people are looking for peace of mind. They believe (logically) that experiencing peace is the result of having peaceful thoughts.
If you’ve suffered from anxiety, fear, depression, or low self-esteem, you know how difficult it is to shake these thoughts, let alone transform them into still, quiet, peaceful ones.
You could literally spend the rest of your life waiting for peace to come. And many people do that.
Most of my coaching clients have been on the path of self-improvement for years.
There is another, much simpler way that requires no repair and no time.
I call it the path of self-awareness… or self-discovery.
Make peace with the fact that the mind is restless. Expect it to be restless, chaotic, neurotic and anxious.
See that the mind is but its restless self. There’s nothing wrong…unless you believe it is.
You will experience peace to the extent that you are able to accept the mind as it is – leave it alone and do its crazy dance.
Here is a quote from my book Kick The Thinking Habit that you can download FREE below.
“Don’t worry about the thoughts that come and go. Leave them alone and they will leave you alone. Leave the spirit alone to do its dance, and it will leave you alone to do yours. Don’t touch it at all, and you will remain untouched by it.”
Click on the link below to get yours FREE to copy.
Do not fire the second arrow
The Buddhists use the phrase “second arrow” to describe how most people unconsciously react to challenging thoughts… and cause more suffering.
Let’s take fear as an example.
An anxious thought or feeling appears (on its own) in your consciousness.
You don’t choose it. It arises naturally.
The fearful thought then causes an automatic unconscious response.
“This is bad. This is wrong. I shouldn’t feel this. There’s something wrong with me. I need to get rid of it. I can’t live like this. I’m a bad person.”
This is the second arrow.
The vast majority of our suffering comes not from the original thought, but from the subsequent commentary ABOUT IT.
The more we resist, the more we suffer.
Imagine if you instead welcomed the thought or feeling into your experience – realizing that it’s just the mind doing its thing, realizing that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with YOU.
This is what is meant by making peace WITH the mind.
It may still feel unpleasant…but when you relax and let go of the idea that something is ‘wrong’, most of the suffering goes away.
This is what the Buddhists mean by ‘pain is inevitable. suffering is optional.”
The mind is restless, neurotic, crazy… and that’s okay, even if it doesn’t feel good.
The best way to tame an angry bull
This is one of my favorite analogies for dealing with a restless and troublesome mind.
Let’s say you’re trapped in a small room with an angry bull, kicking and snorting… just like you’re trapped in your head with a restless and neurotic mind.
This is the worst thing you can do in this scenario.
You can try fighting him, forcing him into a small enclosure and tying him up. The more you fight and resist him, the angrier and more unruly he becomes.
So, what is the best solution?
Release him. Give him a large, open field to run around in. If he encounters no resistance, he will quickly run out of steam and settle down. Leave him alone for 5 minutes and he will happily graze.
How does this apply to the restless mind?
Let it be restless. Don’t resist it. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to control it.
Let it run wild in the vast field of your consciousness. You will not encounter any resistance there and it will calm down quickly.
And even if it isn’t, in the absence of judgment, it’s okay that it’s there.
It is much better to encounter a bull in an expansive, open space than in a cramped, confined space. And so it is with the mind.
I remember a time when my thoughts were so intense that it felt like they were stuck to my face like a tight ski mask. Maybe you recognize it?
There was no space between me and the thoughts. Just like the bull in the small enclosure, they took up all the space.
As you learn more and more to step back and let the mind do its thing, without resistance, without getting involved, you begin to meet your thoughts in a larger arena.
You realize that the little dramas of the mind take up only a small space in the vastness of who you are.
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