How being alone made me fall in love with myself – Tiny Buddha

“Loneliness is where you discover that you are not alone.” ~Marty Rubin

“No one invites me to their party.” That’s what high school was like for me anyway. No matter how hard I tried, I could never really fit in with a group of friends.

It seemed like everyone was given instructions on who to interact with and where to sit except me.

I was the serious, quiet type. And the gossipers and sleepovers didn’t want to be serious and reserved. So I bounced around making a buddy here and there. But I was never fully included in the social scene.

At first I thought it would work itself out and that I would find my people. But high school became high school. And high school became my freshman year of college.

I was still standing on the outside looking in.

No matter how many times I pushed myself to get into different circles, in no time I would be alone again and feel even lonelier than if I just stayed to myself.

The worst was when I pretended to be someone else, just trying to fit in. And it would work… for a while. Then I couldn’t keep up the act anymore.

I was an outsider again. But now I also felt like I had lost an inner part of myself that made me, me. I was exhausted. I was disappointed.

Eventually I realized I had hit rock bottom. I was tired of criticizing myself and trying to become someone I wasn’t just to please people who didn’t actually care about me.

I had chased so many groups and friends, desperate for that connection, but all I was left with was emptiness.

Finally one day I asked myself:Who has experienced everything here? The highs and lows, wins and losses?

The answer was me, myself and me. ‘I’ was the constant.

“I” was the one who listened and provided answers when I talked myself through difficult situations. ‘I’ was the one who patted myself on the back when I succeeded at something.

That realization—that I already had the most loyal companion imaginable—brought me more comfort than any superficial friendship or party invitation could. I had myself, and I was enough.

I decided to stop begging for validation or acceptance from others. I started validating myself.

I started actively spending more time alone, without distractions or social media. Reading, writing and taking myself on solo dates.

I have discovered so much about my interests and strengths. I found inspiration and magic in solitude that I had never known before.

For the first time in a long time I was at peace. I felt whole, not like a broken version of myself. I was alone, but not lonely. I was independent yet fulfilled.

I became my own best friend. And that made the difference.

It has taught me that I am enough alone, even if others do not see my value. Their approval is meaningless unless I have self-approval first.

Plus, something interesting happened when I stopped desperately pursuing friendships: I started attracting people who liked me for me. It turns out that when you are confident and confident, you radiate a good vibe that attracts others.

I made some wonderful friends in college who didn’t care that I was an introvert. And you know what the best part is? I even found my love partner! Everyone appreciated my insight and quiet perseverance.

For the first time, I felt like I belonged while still being completely myself.

I learned four essential lessons from my lonely high school years:

1. You are your own best friend or worst critic. How you talk to yourself is important. Build yourself up instead of tearing yourself down.

2. Embrace what makes you different. Don’t hide your unique gifts and talents in a quest to fit in. The right people will appreciate them.

3. Connections cannot be forced. Friendships and relationships that are worth having usually come when you least expect them. Stop chasing and let things unfold.

4. It’s better to be ‘alone’ than in bad company. Having toxic or fake friends is much lonelier than just having yourself.

My high school self would never believe me if I told him one day that he would have real friends and a partner who loves his little quirks.

But in making peace with being alone, I found the relationships I longed for and discovered that all the acceptance I needed was my own.

I still consider myself an introvert. I enjoy my solo time and quiet hobbies. But now I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not just to keep friends around. The connections I have are based on authenticity on both sides.

And when I need advice or just someone to listen, I turn inward. I explore my feelings through diaries. I tap into my inner wisdom during long, contemplative walks alone. I have become my own counselor and cheerleader.

I am so grateful that the younger me continued to strive to find his place. All that perseverance got me exactly where I needed to be: firmly rooted in myself.

If you’ve experienced something similar, I see you. And I want you to know that you are good enough, just the way you are. You don’t have to earn a place at someone’s table to have meaning in your life.

The people who will love you most are on the way. For now, love yourself. Treat yourself kindly. Pursue your passions unapologetically.

Speak encouraging words in the mirror every morning. Do your best to be your best friend.

And know that no matter where you end up in life – surrounded by a tribe of people who love everything that makes you different or who embrace solitude and carve your own unique path – as long as you have yourself, you can’t lose.

I am my own closest companion. You can also be your own.

No matter what stage you are at in your journey of self-discovery, keep moving forward. Know that the loneliness and feeling of not belonging will not last forever.

Have faith that things will get better, especially if you cherish your relationship with yourself above all else.

Maybe today is a difficult day when you are struggling to find your place. Fine. Breathe through it. Tomorrow offers new possibilities.

You may be entering a season of loneliness that will feel uncomfortable at first, but will eventually lead to profound growth. Lean into it fully instead of resisting it. There is a treasure to be discovered.

Or maybe you’ve finally attracted a “tribe” that appreciates the unique shades of who you are. Congratulations! But never lose sight of your own value that exists with or without them.

Wherever you are, you have this. And you have yourself. That’s all you’ll ever really need.

So stay true to yourself. Don’t diminish parts of yourself to appease others. Keep taking risks for yourself, even if no one else will.

Trust that by being loyal to your own soul, you will find both inner fullness and meaningful connections with time.

For now, chin up, dear soul. I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come. How far you go from here is breathtaking. Forward.