How we can rekindle the inner flame in others and ourselves

Do Do you feel like the inner flame that motivates you in your personal and professional life has gone out? By answering a few questions, you will gain insight into how you can rekindle your inner light. But before we ask the questions, let’s tell a story that explains why thinking about them is so valuable.

The Doug Conant Story: Being Honored and Honoring Others

Doug Conant is the leader who turned around Campbell Soup Company when he was president and CEO (2001-2011). We’ve written before about how Conant held senior leaders accountable for improving employee engagement at Campbell’s and the huge difference it made.

We recently had a long conversation with Conant and were very encouraged by how his views on leadership align with what we advocate about connection and fostering cultures of connection. We especially wanted to know more about him as a person and how he developed into a leader who has an eye for people. Who influenced him? We learned that his journey to the top of the corporate ladder was not without obstacles.

Albert Schweitzer once wrote: “In everyone’s life our inner fire sometimes goes out. It is then set on fire by an encounter with another human being. We should all be grateful for the people who rekindle the spirit within.” At a difficult time in Doug Conant’s career, that person was Neil MacKenna.

Conant was a 32-year-old marketing director at Parker Brothers Toy and Game Company near Boston when he was stunned to hear the vice president of marketing tell him, “Your job has been eliminated.” Clear your desk before noon.” He worked hard and skillfully, and now he was fired. How can this happen? Hurt, angry, crushed, humiliated, self-pity and fear are words he uses to express his reaction to the place he now finds himself. (How many employees who have been dislocated by the wave of recent layoffs can relate?)

The exit package included outplacement counseling and that’s how Conant met the man who would immensely shape him as a leader. Conant describes Neil MacKenna as a great, tough-as-nails, crusty New Englander. He was a decorated World War II veteran and Harvard Business School graduate who “wasn’t bothered by whining or a victim-like ‘poor me’ attitude.” Throughout the entire outplacement process, Conant was struck by how MacKenna was fully present, listened attentively and seriously, and genuinely wanted to help. He felt honored by MacKenna. A bond was formed between them that would last until MacKenna passed away almost twenty years later.

During their second meeting, MacKenna instructed Conant to write his life story by hand in as much detail as possible. That kind of deep self-reflection wasn’t something Conant had done before. When they reunited to talk about it, MacKenna called Conant out on the discrepancy between the man who came through on paper and the man Conant presented to others. As Conant tells The Blueprint: 6 Practical Steps to Take Your Leadership to New HeightsMacKenna told him, “What you show to the world is a humble man who goes with the flow. But the Doug who wrote this story is a leader and a fighter.”

Working with MacKenna, Conant came to realize that by trying to be the person others wanted him to be or expected him to be, whether it was his parents, teachers, coaches, or bosses, he was not being true to himself. Conant spoke to us about this and paraphrased a quote from Brene Brown that resonates with him: “You can either walk into your story and own it, or you can stand outside your story and strive for your self-worth every day.” Continuing, he said, “I had to write my own story. I had to figure out what is most important to me and how I want to show up with passion and enthusiasm and bring the best of myself to work every day.”

Second, MacKenna made him reflect on the people who had honored him along his life’s journey. He then challenged Conant to be more like them in honoring others.

The positive emotions Conant’s experience connecting with MacKenna has made him more aware of how fully connecting with others affects them in a positive way. He wanted to have that kind of positive impact on people in his life and started being more intentional about connecting. In the future, he would connect with, support, honor and serve the people in his life in ways that reflected excellence, including his family and friends, and the people he worked with.

One practice he embraced as a result of his new insights was actively seeking ways to praise and encourage others and celebrate their contributions. Not only did he praise people verbally, but he also became the most prolific writer of handwritten notes we have ever known (which we will talk about more in a future article).

In our conversation he said: “When I look back at the people who had a profound influence on me – and that’s what leadership is about: having a profound influence on people to move them in a certain direction, which is good for the business and good for them – they had two features that really stood out. They had very high demands on me And they loved me to death. They thought it was important.” He noted, “I’ve dealt with a lot of people with high standards who didn’t care, and I’ve dealt with a lot of people who cared about me a lot but didn’t really lift me up and challenge me. The people who had the biggest impact were, in my language, stubborn and gentle.” High on his list, Conant told us, are his grandparents and… Neil MacKenna.

“The learning experience that came from losing my job was tremendous,” Conant stated. It ultimately reframed his views on leadership and prepared him for bigger roles.

Conant would go on to hold a number of senior leadership positions, including president of the Nabisco Foods Company, president and CEO of Campbell Soup Company, and chairman of Avon Products. He is now an author, speaker, lecturer and executive coach Conant leadership.

Your story: connecting by honoring and serving each other

Being in environments rich in human connections where colleagues, friends and family members honor and serve each other can be life-changing and reignite your inner flame.

We can’t give what we don’t have, so we need people in our lives who will honor us, serve us, and connect with us to support us through life’s inevitable ups and downs, including our time at work. We need people to help us learn, grow and reach our potential so that we can contribute to the greater good.

So, as you think about your life story so far, ask yourself:

1. What people in my life do I have a strong connection with and who support me so that I can achieve my potential?
2. What is it about them that makes me feel so connected?
3. Do I need to develop more supportive relationships that give me the connections I need to be my best self, do my best work, and make my greatest contributions?

After thinking about the supportive relationships in your life, consider how you support others. Ask yourself:

1. Who do I connect with, honor, and support so that they will reach their potential?
2. Can they see through my words and behavior that I am care about them as individuals and I believe in them?
3. Do I encourage them to become even better people by expecting the best from them and setting high standards for them?

As Conant reminds us The Blueprint: “[Y]You can be more like the people who helped you become the person you are today; you can are that person for the people you live and work with. You already know what it looks like. You lived it. And from your memories of these people, you know that the way they behaved toward you is also the way other people deserve to be treated.”

Creating and maintaining one culture of connection in which people honor and serve each other will lead to healthier individuals, communities, organizations and a stronger and better society, something that is greatly needed today.

This article was co-authored by Katharine P. Stallard.