“If life is bad, remember that one day you will die. So every day above ground is a good day.” –Oscar Wilde
We all feel like life sucks sometimes. Just getting through the day can seem like an uphill battle.
You drag yourself to the office with about as much enthusiasm as you might have for climbing into a boxing ring with Mike Tyson.
It would be more fun to watch the paint dry than to attend another dull and boring work meeting.
There’s more spark in a dodo than in your relationship. Your children hate you. And worse, you hate yourself for creating a life that sucks.
Where did it all go wrong?
What happened to the child who dreamed of becoming an astronaut? Or the cheerful guy who felt so happy and alive while backpacking through Southeast Asia not so long ago?
Your life is worthless and you want your happiness back.
But there seem to be so many obstacles in the way.
But is this really true?
Here’s a surprising fact I discovered while researching my book “Awaken the Happy You.”
According to happiness researchers (yes, such a job exists!), your life circumstances are responsible for only 10% of your happiness.
That’s right. A paltry 10%.
What about the other 90%, you may ask?
Researchers tell us that 50% of our happiness is genetically determined. Some people are simply born with a sunnier disposition than others.
The remaining 40% comes down to our mentality.
In other words, changing the lens through which you view life will have a greater impact on your happiness than changing your life situation.
You can learn, as the Monty Python song says, “Always look on the bright side of life.”
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If you want to increase your happiness right away, here are seven concrete steps you can take to get you on the right track… even if your life really sucks!
7 Ways to Get Your Smile Back When Life is Bad
1. Make a conscious decision to be happy
“Most people are about as happy as they decide to be” – Abraham Lincoln
The first step, making a conscious choice to be happy, is a prerequisite for all other steps. Without prioritizing your happiness, all the old unconscious habits – the moaning and complaining, the grunting and groaning – will continue to rear their ugly heads and crowd out your happy thoughts.
Happiness does not arise by chance. Whether consciously or unconsciously, happy people choose to be happy.
So when you wake up every morning, start the day with the resolve: “No matter what happens today, I choose to be happy.”
Continue to remind yourself of your decision throughout the day.
2. Stop blaming others
Your happiness depends much more on your attitude than on external factors.
My partner gets upset when I make a mess in the kitchen while cooking. If she did the same, I wouldn’t have any problem with it. On the other hand, when we are in the car, I become very impatient with other drivers. She doesn’t even notice.
It is our thinking that makes situations good or bad. Our own personal interpretation creates peace or suffering.
For example, when you view your negative boss as an obstacle to your happiness, you build up anger and resentment inside. If you see him as a messenger sent through life to teach you tolerance, patience and compassion, you will probably feel happier and perhaps even more grateful.
It may very well be true that your job, your relationship, or the state of the world are far from ideal, but until you drop the habit of blaming everything (but yourself) for your unhappiness, you’re unlikely to get much will make progress.
Recognizing that you, and you alone, are responsible for your happiness is an important and empowering step forward.
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3. Change it, leave it or accept it – anything else is madness
When you encounter a challenging situation, three options are available to you. You can change it, leave it or accept it.
Anything else – for example, complaining about a situation you can’t leave or change – is a sure recipe for unhappiness.
If you find your job dull and boring, changing the nature of the job is probably not an option. If leaving the job due to financial constraints is also not an option, then the only remaining strategy is to focus on acceptance.
When you stop resisting your life as it is, you may still be disappointed, bored, angry, or upset, but you will no longer add the extra pain of not accepting it.
To see Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
Acceptance is about saying YES to your difficult experiences and to the thoughts and emotions that accompany them – saying yes to life as it is. It’s about making friends with ‘what is’ rather than making an enemy of it. If it is there, it is better to flow with it than to fight against it.
Let the thoughts that say, “This isn’t fair” or “I can’t stand what’s happening” be there, with an attitude of openness and non-judgmental acceptance.
Wrap the sadness, the pain, the disappointment in the peace of no resistance.
Do what you can to create happier circumstances, but as you work to make positive changes, adopting an attitude of acceptance toward your current reality will make you much happier.
4. Water the flowers, not the weeds
There is a well-known phenomenon in psychology called negativity bias. It refers to the mind’s tendency to register negative impressions at a deeper level than positive ones.
The stressful job, the noisy neighbors or the depressing world news stick in the mind like Velcro.
Positive aspects such as having full use of your limbs, a healthy bank balance or the freedom to express your opinions without being stoned or beheaded are largely overlooked and taken for granted.
If you tend to focus on the things that are “wrong” in your life, you may want to consciously pay attention to the blessings that are all around you – to nurture the qualities of gratitude and appreciation.
Each of us is the gardener of our own inner landscape. The plants that bloom are the plants we pay the most attention to.
If you focus on worry, sadness, self-pity, or resentment, you will end up with a garden full of weeds.
Gratitude, love, compassion and service will grow into beautiful flowers.
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5. Focus on the happiness of others
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Happy people are naturally giving. Happiness and serving others go hand in hand.
When you’re down or unhappy, the quickest way to snap yourself out of it is to focus on someone else’s needs.
When you are unhappy, you tend to become self-absorbed, wallowing in your own mind-created suffering. Serving others is like a magical elixir that can pull you out of the rut of self-righteousness.
Practice random acts of kindness. Make it your default mode to look for opportunities to serve others.
Buy a beggar a cup of coffee or a sandwich. Smile at the people you meet on the street. Have someone go for you at the checkout. Offer to take someone’s groceries to the car.
Be thoughtful. Ask a homeless person if he needs anything. A blanket? A coat? Buy them a pair of gloves. Give up your seat on the bus to an elderly person. Send someone flowers or a box of chocolates. Spend a few minutes picking up litter in the park.
6. Don’t pay too much attention to your mind
“My life sucks. Where did it all go wrong? I’m such a loser. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Do you have a monkey mind that drives you crazy?
The truth is, we all do that to some extent. It’s part of being born as a human being.
But do you know something? You don’t have to pay too much attention to it. In fact, if you want to be happier, it is highly recommended not to do that.
If you think your life is worthless, you are probably engaged in an ongoing battle with your mind. It’s not your thoughts that are the problem. It’s how you treat each other Unpleasant the thoughts.
We give our thoughts an inordinate amount of power over us by indulging in them – by resisting them, believing them, chewing on them, marinating in them, taking them so damn seriously.
And you don’t have to.
Give them a joke, like you would an old uncle who has had too much to drink and is talking a lot of nonsense.
Don’t believe them, don’t resist them, don’t identify with them. Don’t touch them at all. Leave the mind alone to do its thing, and it will leave you alone to do yours.
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7. Release your prisoners
Holding grudges, holding grudges, or maintaining icy relationships with others are all major hindrances to your own happiness.
Forgiveness is the key to unlocking the door of your prison cell, to freeing yourself from the suffering you have caused yourself.
Perhaps you have been harshly criticized, betrayed by a close friend, unceremoniously dumped for someone else by your partner, cheated on by a business partner, robbed in the park, or worse.
No matter how justified you feel in holding on to your grievances, the fact remains that harboring thoughts of anger, resentment, or indifference toward another person pollutes your own inner space and crowds out happy thoughts.
Choosing happiness means drawing a line under the issue – recognizing that you no longer want to carry feelings of anger, resentment or pain in your heart because this is disempowering.
Forgive for your own sake, for your own peace of mind, for your own happiness.
Awaken the Happy You provides a comprehensive roadmap for rediscovering the natural feelings of joy, freedom, passion and enthusiasm that are the essence of who you are at the core of your being.
The central message is that joy has never left you. You have left joy.
Your happiness is in your hands
Challenging situations, people and events are inevitable. They are black keys on the piano, without which the symphony of life could not take place
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf” – Jon Kabbat-Zinn
There will always be situations in your life that make you feel bored, frustrated, trapped, or dissatisfied. And that’s okay. Life sucks sometimes.
The question is: do you let life’s challenges determine how you feel inside, or do you choose to rise above them and choose happiness instead?
Whatever your current circumstances, it is always possible to be happier.
Use the 7 steps above to bring a little more happiness into your life and the world.
