Part of Kathy Caprino’s series “Today’s True Leadership”
In the leadership development work I do with mid- and senior-level professionals, we focus first on how we can help each individual live his or her own personal life in a more positive and enlivening way. You can’t lead something good (including others, projects, growth, or organizational behavior) if you are not honest, courageous, emotionally self-aware, and mentally healthy. After all, you are a person when you show up in your professional life; your personal and professional behavior, fears, thoughts, wounds, prejudices, gaps and ways of thinking are inextricably linked. And when we experience what my research has revealed: the seven most damaging power and trust gaps (negatively impacting as many as 98% of professional women and 90% of men today), our work and our leadership suffer underneath.
As a former business owner, then marriage and family therapist, and in my 17 years as a career and leadership coach, I have done a lot of qualitative and quantitative research on what positive, inspirational leadership looks like (and what it is). not). Unfortunately, in recent years we have seen an increase in highly negative and destructive leadership behaviors and communications (noticeable through social media, in our work environments and beyond) that are having tangible results. This type of behavior often leads to a significant increase in fear, hatred, blame, division, guilt and anxiety.
Research shows that there is one overall decline in mental health in the US, and from my perspective, the way we lead, communicate, and interact interpersonally has a direct impact on our mental health.
How do positive influencers and leaders make a meaningful difference to the people and efforts they touch?
Working as a leadership and career coach and trainer with thousands of mid- to high-level professionals across six continents, I have seen firsthand that there 7 critical properties of positive, life-affirming leaders who uplift and help their employees grow and thrive, rather than demean and belittle individuals, teams and contributions. And you can start cultivating these positive qualities in your own life today.
These seven important qualities are:
#1: They are clear about the challenges ahead, but they inspire faith, hope and cooperation, not fear.
As we all know, life today is increasingly complex and full of challenges, just like business. To succeed, we need a strong, coherent vision for a better future, and we need the support of others. And we need a very diverse talent pool to bring new solutions to the table.
Positive leaders do not address challenges in negative ways, by dividing people or stirring up fear, anxiety, or conflict. Within these challenges they find rays of light and seeds of growth to focus on. They offer us an enlivening vision of success through collaboration and innovation, and a hope for the future that almost everyone can get behind.
And they encourage us to work toward those visions together, for the good of all, and not just for our own individual progress. Collaboration, openness, diversity and respect are central.
#2: Blame is not in their rhetoric – they never resort to accusations or demeaning, belittling messages and language.
Uplifting leaders do not blame or attack others – ever. They take full responsibility for what they shape and create, and for the outcomes of what they focus on, and remain accountable for what happens in their organizations and in their lives, no matter how challenging it is. They know that the way they behave and speak will evoke certain types of reactions, and they do not make the mistake of looking only to others for what needs to change and change.
To achieve positive growth, they are open to seeing and learning from their missteps and misdeeds. Blame and blame, and the use of caustic, demeaning language that cheapens people and their efforts, goes against the grain of inspiring leadership.
#3: Their self-esteem and ego are strong enough to tolerate, and in fact they welcome, constructive criticism, criticism, and feedback.
Most of us can tell within a minute if we are in the presence of someone who is very insecure, narcissistic, or has a fragile ego. How can we tell? First, it’s exhausting and terrifying to be around.
Those with fragile egos that need stroking need constant validation, and they become fiercely defensive when they disagree. Furthermore, they don’t know how to build on the ideas of others without taking all the credit. Often they do not want to take responsibility for any missteps or ‘failures’, and they look for someone else to blame.
Positive, uplifting leaders are the opposite. Their emotional ‘well’ is full – they do not need constant validation of their worth and their ‘rightness’. When someone criticizes them, they don’t immediately go to the angry, vengeful place – they remain quiet, calm and open. And finally, they don’t covet all the attention and credit for great ideas and successful initiatives. They are happy and grateful that others around them have contributed to the growth in important ways and applaud this.
#4: Their communication style is positive, with words that inspire greatness and growth in us.
The words that leaders (and all of us) choose to share are extremely revealing about their inner mindset and how they operate in the world.
As we know, words can be used as weapons or as tools for growth. Take some time today to read an inspiring speech from a great leader like Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln or Eleanor Roosevelt, and you will find words that evoke positive, motivating emotions and lift us up with a compelling vision of a better, more positive, free world that we want to create. (To see what goes into creating some of history’s most memorable speeches and how you can improve your presentations, visit this useful information by Nancy Duarte.)
#5: They don’t just surround themselves with people who tell them “yes” – they surround themselves with diversity, truth and openness.
Years ago in my business life I met a ‘leader’ who, wherever he was hired as a senior executive to turn around a company, brought along a group of the same men to support him. Unfortunately, this bunch turned out to be a group of sycophants who, in exchange for very good pay and a huge favor, did this person’s bidding without ever saying “no” or questioning him.
Real leaders don’t just surround themselves with people who will never challenge them. They want to surround themselves with a diverse, talented and courageous group of individuals who will share their unique perspectives, experiences, know-how and candid feedback. And that diversity will inevitably lead to different opinions and viewpoints – that’s the whole point. If all you want is a “yes” and agree, you cannot lead effectively.
#6: The success they desire is success and opportunity for everyone – not just one faction, group or organization.
Empowering leaders do not speak of certain groups, organizations, or people as “better” than others, or more deserving of success than others. They don’t talk about “winning” others (focusing on “winning” is for the football field, not for leadership). Leadership focuses on growth, contribution, strength, innovation, analysis of key trends and emerging needs, and bringing together talented, committed people to better meet those needs.
These types of competitive judgments (of ‘losers’ and ‘winners’) and frameworks that pit people against each other tend to be counterproductive in leadership: instead of generating motivation, they create division, negativity, fear and resentment. Why? Because most healthy. Confident people do not inherently strive to be “better” than others. They want to be successful, learn and grow, be rewarded and fulfilled in work that matters to them, within a community and culture they enjoy, and achieve positive outcomes that help others thrive and stand beside them.
Inspirational leaders focus on sharing uplifting visions and exciting desired outcomes that will naturally energize and motivate everyone involved. The main goal is to grow and prosper, not to crush the heads and shoulders of others, so that we can climb the ladder of success.
#7: They operate with integrity, truthfulness, and transparency at all times, even when it is excruciatingly difficult (and terrifying) to do so.
Finally, great leaders who build rather than destroy demonstrate integrity and honesty at all times. They never fabricate, lie, distort or exaggerate. They understand that as leaders they have a moral responsibility to speak the truth (not just). their own version of the truthbut verifiable, measurable truth) with valid, supporting facts and reliable information from reliable sources that tell a true story, even if that story is very difficult to accept and share.
Ultimately, inspiring leaders inspire great confidence in us, because we know we can trust them to be strong and honest in times of adversity. And we are confident they will lead us to something better, from a place of clarity, integrity and candor, not for their own gain, but for the good of all.
Read Kathy’s book to learn more about developing your leadership approach for greater success and positive impact The Most Powerful You: 7 Courage-Building Paths to Career Happiness and tune in to her podcast Think brave.
For practical help to increase your positive impact, join Kathy in a one-on-one coaching program, follow her training The most powerful youand bring Kathy in to speak to your emerging leaders and managers, through her speaking programs and workshops.
