“Comparison is the death of joy.”
Mark Twain
“If you are content to just be yourself and not compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
Lao Tzu
One of the most common and destructive daily habits is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives.
You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on.
And at the end of the day you are destroying your self-esteem and you create a lot of negative feelings inside. And perhaps also outside yourself.
So what can you do? How can you get a grip on this habit?
Well, today I’d like to share three steps that helped me get rid of this – it does take some time, so be patient with yourself – and towards a healthier view of myself and life.
Step 1: Just realize that you can’t win if you compare yourself to others.
Consciously realizing this already helps.
No matter what you do, you can almost always find someone else in the world who has more than you or is better at something than you.
Yes, you might feel good for a while if you get a nicer car than your neighbor.
But a week or two later you see someone from the next block with an even nicer car than yours.
Step 2: Compare yourself to yourself.
Instead of comparing yourself to other people, create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself.
See how much you’ve grown, what you’ve accomplished, and what progress you’ve made toward your goals.
This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation, and kindness for yourself as you observe how far you’ve come, the obstacles you’ve overcome, and the good things you’ve done.
You feel good about yourself without having to think less about other people.
You can maintain this habit by, for example, taking a few minutes every day or every Sunday (or any day that suits you) to write down in a diary how you have grown, how much closer you are now to your dreams and goals. and what you have overcome and learned.
By doing this, your thinking will change over time and your thought patterns will automatically focus more on comparing you to yourself rather than to other people.
Step 3: Be kinder to other people.
In my experience, the way you behave and think toward others seems to have a big effect on how you behave toward and think about yourself.
Judge and criticize people more often and you tend to judge and criticize yourself more often (often almost automatically).
Be kinder to other people and help them, and you tend to be kinder and more helpful to yourself.
So focus on helping people and being kind.
Focus on the positive things in yourself and in the people around you.
And appreciate what is positive in yourself and in others.
This way you become more okay with yourself and the people in your world instead of ranking them and yourself in your thoughts.
You’re okay and so are they.
