One of the most difficult spiritual practices in life is accepting what we cannot change. Even in the case of events and situations that we can change, the practice of radical acceptance helps us find the patience we need in discerning and implementing the change.
The term “radical acceptance” is used by many Buddhists to refer to the practice of sitting with your situation – exactly as it is – and feeling your emotions – exactly as they are, for a period of time.
The interesting thing about our emotions is that they can have a fairly short lifespan if we just let them exist, without trying to push them away or fight with them. Spiritual directors are trained to assist guides in accepting their emotions, whether they are unwanted and difficult feelings or pleasant, life-affirming feelings. Many spiritual leaders practice radical acceptance with clients without even knowing the name for it.
The age-old practice shared here is adapted from an excellent book on the subject, Radical acceptance by therapist Tara Brach. It can be practiced alone, in groups, or within a spiritual direction session.
- Find a quiet place to do this exercise. Put aside all distractions and take a few deep breaths. Relaxed.
- Think about a situation in your life that you are struggling with. Ask yourself, “What do I think about this?”
- Name the feeling and allow yourself to experience that emotion without judgment. Breathe into it. Accept it.
- Notice how you feel this in your body. Where is this emotion based?
- Connect with your desire to be held in unconditional love in the midst of experiencing this emotion.
- Think of the image of a spiritual figure who – for you – embodies unconditional love. Ask this Saint to be with you.
- Place your attention on your heart and let the Holy One embrace or surround you with love.
- Stay with this loving embrace long enough for it to settle in your memory. You can return to this embrace whenever you feel vulnerable or overwhelmed by emotions.
- End your spiritual practice by expressing gratitude to the Holy One for the gift of radical acceptance.
I doubt anyone who regularly practices radical acceptance would call it easy, but it is an essential practice if we are to mature in our spiritual journey. If you practice this regularly, you may find that life’s bumps are less jarring and that you bounce back from disappointments much faster than if you refused to accept what was real.
