Originally published May 2021
“I suffer from what the Buddhists call the monkey mind: the thoughts that lurch from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and cry.” Elizabeth Gilbert
Everyone, without exception, suffers from a restless monkey mind – an expression coined by the Buddha thousands of years ago when he compared the thoughts in our heads to a crowd of drunken monkeys.
If you’re lucky, the incessant activity of your mind can be irritating at worst, like having a swarm of annoying flies buzzing around your head all day and just won’t go away.
Or, if you’re less lucky, your troublesome monkey mind might be more like King Kong rampaging through the jungle on amphetamines, leaving a trail of destruction and devastation in his wake.
Either way, having a crying chatterbox swinging around between your ears all day is an inescapable part of the human condition.
What should you do about it?
How do you get out of your head to find lasting peace?
Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I need to get to know him better.”
And with the mind it is exactly the same.
As you work through the following nine tips, you’ll see that the key to dealing with a difficult monkey mind is to get to know it better. You will then understand why it does not have nearly as much power to disturb your peace as you may have thought.
Fortunately for us, the Buddha and other great teachers left a whole host of practical ways to deal with a mischievous monkey mind.
9 things that will help you calm your monkey mind
1. Know that you are not a special case: everyone has a restless mind
There is no such thing as peace of mind. Spirit means disturbance; Restlessness itself is mind. – Nisargadatta Maharaj
Researchers tell us that the average person has about 70,000 thoughts per day. Even people who are relatively calm and relaxed still have a tremendous amount of traffic between their ears.
So don’t blame yourself for having a lot of thoughts. Restlessness is the nature of the mind. Expecting it not to be busy is like expecting the grass not to be green.
The first step to making peace with a restless monkey mind is to accept that it is busy. Don’t create extra stress by fighting it.
2. See your mind, don’t be your mind
Most thought patterns that drive you crazy run on autopilot. you subconscious play them over and over in your head like broken records.
It’s not so much your thoughts that cause you problems, but rather your identification with them. You suffer when you wallow in it, chew it, marinate in it – in short, when you are attached to it.
To find peace it is good to create some breathing space, some blue air between yourself and the mind. Step back and observe your thoughts objectively, as you would sit on a riverbank and watch the river flow by.
3. The undercurrent and the observer
In mindfulness meditation, we use a model called “the undercurrent and the observer” to illustrate our true relationship with the mind.
The undercurrent is the continuous flow of thoughts, feelings, emotions and impressions that pass through your consciousness. It arises naturally.
In other words, it’s not something you have any control over.
The observer is the one who is aware of the undercurrent. Unlike thoughts, feelings and emotions, which are constantly changing, the observer (you could also call it your consciousness) is constant and unchanging.
When you have a happy thought, you are aware of it. In the same way, when you have a sad thought, you are also aware of it. It is the same consciousness that is conscious in both cases. There are many thoughts. Consciousness is one.
Realize that the mind is alone part of who you are, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to look at it.
4. Leave the mind alone to do its dance
Most of the suffering we experience at the hands of the mind does not arise from the thoughts themselves, but from our resistance to them.
The way to peace is to sit quietly on the riverbank and let the river take its course. Both pleasant and unpleasant thoughts (including feelings and emotions) will come along. Let them come and go without resistance.
My teacher always said, ‘Roll out the red carpet for EVERY thought, positive or negative. The less you resist, the more peace you will experience.
Most people are wading waist deep in the river like crazed traffic cops, frantically trying to control the flow. Resistance to the contents of the mind is the main cause of suffering.
What happens to a sad thought if you don’t mind it being there?
Here is a quote from my book ‘Kick The Thinking Habit’. (download it for free below).
“Don’t worry about the thoughts that come and go. Leave them alone and they will leave you alone. Leave the spirit alone to do its dance, and it will leave you alone to do yours. Don’t touch it at all, and you will remain untouched by it.”
Click on the image below to get one FREE copy of my book “Kick The Thinking Habit”.
5. Don’t take your thoughts personally
Another reason why our busy monkey minds bother us so much is that we take our thoughts so damn seriously – and personally.
The realization that the contents of my mind are created by myself and are therefore not personal was a game changer for me.
Before, I believed that I was the author of my thoughts. I felt personally responsible for the thoughts that appeared unbidden in my head. (I’d be happy to elaborate on this if you’d like to leave a comment.)
The mind is a lot like a computer, spitting out thoughts according to what has been programmed into it.
The thoughts that appear in your mind are echoes from the past, reflections of your childhood and cultural conditioning. Given your history, you may not have any thoughts other than those you are experiencing.
They are not who you are.
6. Don’t believe everything your Monkey Mind tells you
Another reason why many people suffer from an overactive monkey mind is that they believe everything the mind tells them.
Most of us have a lot of self-critical thoughts – usually echoes of what we adopted as children, when we were too young to distinguish truth from fiction.
“You’re a bad boy. You’re not good enough. You’ll never amount to anything. The world is against you. People don’t like you.”
Take everything the mind says with a large grain of salt. The ghost will tell you a lot of nonsense, but you don’t have to believe it.
Be like Inspector Columbo. Challenge every belief the mind throws at you.
For example, if you believe that you will never achieve anything, think about all the things you have successfully achieved in your life. Build a compelling case to prove otherwise.
You will find that most of your long-held beliefs will crumble under a little examination.
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7. Thoughts and thinking are two different things
As mentioned earlier, there is nothing you can do to stop the thoughts that appear in your head. They arise naturally.
Thinking, however, is another matter.
Let’s say the thought arises, “My boss doesn’t like me.”
Before you know it, you find yourself catastrophizing about the future: “He’s definitely going to fire me. What shall I do then? I will probably end up homeless and destitute and living on the streets without food.”
This type of thinking usually occurs as an unconscious knee-jerk reaction and if you are aware enough to catch yourself, you can choose to stop it at any time.
Just think: “Wow! Wait a second. I’m not even sure he doesn’t like me, let alone that he’s going to fire me. And besides, who knows what will or won’t happen in the future?
8. The Monkey Mind cannot exist at this time
Following on from the last point, another way to stop unconscious thinking is to focus your attention on the present moment.
Your attention can only be in one place at a time. If you find yourself with an old, self-defeating story in your head, STOP.
Focus your attention on your breath as it flows in and out, the feeling of your feet coming into contact with the ground. Tune in to the warmth in your palms or to the sound of the wind or the singing of birds.
There’s nothing that can make you continue to play a broken old ghost movie in your head if you choose not to. You’re the one in charge.
Being aware of your surroundings is a great way to hit the stop button.
Want personalized help dealing with your restless monkey mind? I’ve been doing this for years! Just click the button below to make your reservation FREE One hour coaching session… without obligation!
9. Learn to meditate
“Everyone should meditate at least twenty minutes a day. If you are too busy, you should meditate for an hour.” – Zen proverb
For me personally, having one regular meditation practice is my number 1 weapon in the fight against a mischievous monkey ghost.
There are two main reasons why we suffer.
The first is lack of awareness. We get lost in unproductive mind movies without even realizing we’re doing it. The second is believing that the mind is who we are: identifying with thoughts
Meditation helps solve both problems.
Thoughts are like little clouds passing across the sky of your consciousness. Different types of clouds come and go – some dark, some light – but the sky remains unchanged and unaffected.
There is a part of your being that, like the air, remains untouched by the monkey mind. It always remains peaceful.
Regular practice will help you identify less and less with the passing thoughts and more and more with the consciousness that is your true Self.
Meditation will help you create an intimate relationship with the ground of unwavering inner peace.
The mind only has as much power as you give it
When you’re experiencing swarms of intense thoughts, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and powerless.
But the truth is that the mind only has as much power as you give it – identifying with it, judging it, believing it, and taking thoughts personally.
Use the nine tips above to change the way you interact with the mind and you’ll find that it doesn’t have nearly as much power to disrupt your peace as you thought.
Leave the monkey’s ghost alone to do its dance, and it will leave you alone to do yours.
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Here’s one of my guest posts from Tiny Buddha that you might also enjoy?
A guide to peace for anyone with a crazy, confused mind
